** This post was edited February 7th 2016
I just received word that a friend from years ago just took his own life, just after his birthday, just before he was ready to start a new chapter in his life, retirement.
I am gutted. I haven’t spoken with him in years and in truth, didn’t know him well in the first place, but I knew him. I talked with him, laughed with him, enjoyed his creative talent. Now to know yet another life is gone because the mental pain became greater than the alternative, at least in his opinion is almost unbearable .
“No one knew”
Maybe one word, one action, one smile would have made a difference. Maybe not. We’ll never know.
But today I will ensure I consciously do all I can to make every contact I make count.
In the UK last year over 4000 men took their own lives. Something has to change now.
I ask for your thoughts prayers and positive energy to be sent out wide today, to everyone who is struggling.
We all need each other. Even when we think we don’t.
In the piece “Why Men Kill Themselves” Paul McGregor is candid in what he has to say. He knows what he’s talking about from very personal experience. He suffers from depression and his father took his own life because of his own depression. Like so many others, once the slide began for his father there seemed no way to stop it. This is what we must change.
Because that uncomfortable feeling around talking about or even thinking about suicide is just one reason suicide has become the leading killer of men under the age of 50.
Why do men kill themselves?
In fact, why does a man take his own life every 2 hours in the UK alone?
Why is the suicide rate increasing year after year and why out of all of the suicides last year, a massive 76% were men?
While I’ve experience episodes of depression I admit I’ve never reached that level of despair. I’ve always wondered how that happens, where does the mind finally say enough is enough and actually believe it. Paul McGregor is the person who has finally made it understandable for me. And it shreds my heart to know that any one of us could reach that place.
After listening to numerous people who survived their attempts on suicide and reflecting on my Dad’s suicide, a lot of them talk about the pain in which they wanted to end.
Not wanting it to hurt anymore, wanting the pain they’re going through to go away.
When you think of it, dieing is physically painful…
But the pain they’re in at the time of making that decision is far greater than the physical pain they’ll endure.
Something I’ve never really shared before stands out to me here…
When my Dad decided to walk infront of a lorry reports from witnesses say after the collision… he smiled.
After I read that I felt physically ill. Somehow I could finally understand at a level I was never able to before. ** I finally understand that the pain is as harsh, as strong and maybe even more unbearable as any physical pain can be. The pain is real, it is not imagined or exaggerated. It is not temporary and it cannot just be pushed aside. If medication and treatment isn’t working there is no fix to give temporary or permanent relief. And in that moment of absolute endless pain, there is no sight of light or hope or anything other than the unquenchable desire for it to be over.
I was suddenly taken back to when I gave birth to my first born. I was as prepared as any mother to be could be, but there still came a point where I thought, what have I gotten myself into, I can’t do this, make it stop now. I don’t for an instant pretend that this is the same, but my own experiences with depression and giving birth, the dots were finally connected. I finally got it, or at least I’m starting too. I’ve lost my arrogance about how to “fix it”, maybe that’s the biggest part of understanding. I hope the connection I’ve made will make me a better friend, a better supporter, a better person all around. **
Paul not only knows the pain, he’s reached a point where he is unafraid to ask the questions that need to be asked. He’s starting the dialogue, offering solutions, offering hope.
Paul offers 4 things to start the process of changing the stigma of mental illness into a move toward mental health
- Think about it, talk about it, do something
- Shift societies attitudes through dialogue and the media
- Change our language of suicide
- Treat it
Let’s do all those things and more. And let’s start today, right now, this second. One small word, one small smile at the right moment does save lives. Take every opportunity to make a difference. I believe that’s what we’re all here to do.
©2016 J.Fries/Rise Like Air
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