Archives for posts with tag: emotions

It’s Sunday!!  We have made it through another week and another one is beckoning us. Take a moment for a deep breath and a personal high five!

For some of us it was an amazingly fantastic week. For some of us it was hell on wheels. Some were able to Rise Like Air and others teetered on the precipice edge.

There were tears of joy, success and happiness. Tears of frustration, pain and fear.

That’s what life is. Amazing ups and downs and lessons and perspective. It’s about choices and learning and trying.  It encompasses falling down, crawling and getting back up. But today I think it’s most about simply living and loving and liberating.

Today I’m making one choice. To smile. Maybe it will make a little difference. Maybe a big difference. Maybe someone else will notice, maybe they won’t. But I will notice.

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Have a fantastic Sunday. Make it yours. Do it your way.  No regrets, no apologies. No shame, no blame, no guilt. Just love, light and living.  And of course….

Rise

Like 

Air…

See 

Beautiful…

It’s

All 

Good…

 

©2017 JFries/Rise Like Air

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I’m reading Brené Brown. I recently finished The Gift Of Imperfection and immediately ordered all the rest.  So now I’m on I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t) .  Guess what?

She’s right!!!! It isn’t just me!!! Spoiler alert – the glow of that realization only lasts so long.  I’m glad I’m not alone. I’m glad I’m so abnormal and dysfunctional I’m completely normal.  Doesn’t change a dang thing about the process though… Still gotta walk the walk, talk the talk and get moving. Sigh. Note: Always read the fine print which says something like “I never said it would be easy, but it will be worth it.”  Oh Fine!

Shame. It’s something we’ve all experienced numerous times in our lives. And it’s something most of us would really rather not talk about it seems. So I’m grateful that Brené Brown has removed the stigma from the topic.  She defines shame as,

the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection. I don’t believe shame is helpful or productive.

While discussing Shame Screens, those screens we put up to protect ourselves when we feel that burn of shame creeping into us, – which another spoiler alert –  don’t work by the way (to be honest, I’d already figured that one out… ) Brené references the work of Dr. Shelley Uram, a Harvard-trained psychiatrist.

“But Dr. Uram points out that we tend not to recognize the small, quiet traumas that often trigger the same brain-survival reaction. After studying Dr. Uram’s work I believe it’s possible that many of our early shame experiences, especially with parents and caregivers, were stored in our brains as traumas.  This is why we often have such painful bodily reactions when we feel criticized, ridiculed, rejected and shamed. Dr. Uram explains that the brain does not differentiate between overt or big trauma and cover or small, quiet trauma – it just registers the event as “a threat that we can’t control.”

In her work on “remembering the wound” versus “becoming the wound,” Dr. Uram explains that most of the time when we recall a memory, we are conscious that we are in the present, recalling something from the past.  However, when we experience something in the present that triggers and old trauma memory, we reexperience the sense of the original trauma. So, rather than remembering the wound, we become the wound.  This makes sense when we think of how we are often returned to a place of smallness and helplessness when we feel shame.” page 89  I Thought It Was Just Me – Brené Brown

That was a little mind blowing for me. And it made perfect sense.

My first thoughts were about empathy and compassion. Maybe there  really is no scale for trauma at all. Trauma just is – regardless of what caused it, or how “big” or “small” we may think our own or someone else’s trials and tribulations are, the size of the emotion we feel, the reaction we have – are the same.  That’s it. It’s the great equalizer for me.

It…

wait for it….

Changed my perspective and perception.

Yup it did. Here’s the thing, it made life a whole lot simpler. No analyzing or measuring required.  We’re equal.  We are in it together. It hurts. It’s painful. Its frustrating.

And that’s the catalyst for me to build my resilience. There are tools to do it. As Harriet Lerner, author of The Dance of Anger reminds us, “Shame is a profoundly debilitating emotion. It drives our fears of not being good enough.” And here’s the kicker, we are good enough. So let’s start moving toward believing it and living it. I’m worth it. So are you.

Rise on.

©2017 JFries/Rise Like Air

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Failure.  It can be the end, or it can be the catalyst for a new beginning.  It’s all in how you look at it and most importantly how you deal with it.

A great article on the Huffington Post called How to Bounce Back From Failure – Over and Over Again by Carolyn Gregoire holds some gems of advice.

What do you think the opposite of depression is?  Was your first thought happiness?  Psychologist Peter Kramer says its actually resilience.  People who get out of bad situations and who are depressed most often share the trait of resilience.
re·sil·ient adjective
 1.(of a substance or object) able to recoil or spring back into shape after bending, stretching, or being compressed.  synonyms:  flexible, pliable supple.

Carolyn Gregoire quotes Winston Churchill

It is the courage to continue that counts.”

Gregoire goes on to describe seven habits of resilient people.  Really well worth the read in detail but here’s a bit of a summary.

Resilient people allow themselves to feel all their emotions whether the emotions are negative or positive.  Feeling them allows you to work through them and use them. This enables them to see both the positive and the negative without being overwhelmed by either.

My favourite is that “They’re realistically optimistic“.  I love that .  Optimism doesn’t have to mean being unrealistic – you can still be positive allowing yourself to see choices and make plans, be flexible.

They don’t fall into the rejection trap.  Elaine Dundon says, “Rejection steals our joy.”  It wears us down and makes it harder for us to get back up and try again.

Having strong support systems helps resilient people get back up and move forward.

They recognize the importance and value of and appreciate small and positive things.  It keeps them positive and willing to try again and again.

Resilient people don’t wait for opportunities to come to them.  They go out and find them!  Something like that old ’80’s catch phrase of being proactive instead of reactive.

Resilient people also have a great tendency towards gratitude.  They are not the bah-hum-bug types.  They’re thankful for the little things and the big things, the obvious and the not so obvious.  It sets the tone for what they do.

Most of us tend to exercise our muscles and our minds on a regular basis, well, at least once in awhile.  It might not be a bad idea to exercise our resilience too.  It just might be that catalyst to get you through the next failure and turn it into a resounding success.  Happy exercising.

© 2014 J Fries/Rise Like Air  all rights reserved

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